I have talked about broken marriages, unfulfilled love, sex and even justified adultery. In a nutshell I have sinned. So even as my stomach growls and my wrists are ready to disintegrate any minute - thanks to the non stop typing, here I am talking about the sanctity of marriage on a day that celebrates Marriage. God might just forgive me.
I married when I was barely twenty three. In the beginning the entire thing was quite overwhelming to say the least - work, home, husband - I had to suddenly grow up. However the freedom, the companionship, the love and the happiness that it brought along was amazing. The entire process of setting up your life as you like it, with the person you like - was liberating. More so because I had not been on my own until then.
Like all relationships, a marriage also grows and changes, while in the first few years it is more about love, romance and getting used to each other, as we grow up marriage is more about togetherness, acceptance and space.
After eleven years of being with my husband, I rest assured that he will not judge me for what I think or what I write. Maybe that is why I am able to write uninhibitedly today. Maybe that is why today, after eleven years of being married I also realise that one day of fasting will not bring good luck, good health and long life to him.
For the last ten years, I have diligently fasted for him, today however, I see no point in the whole exercises. I mean, If you are a good wife all year long, why would you need to prove it by fasting on one random day? If you are not, fasting for a day will not make you one. Most of us however fall somewhere in between and know it too well that some fast, some ritual and some obsolete custom can not ensure a life long bond.
Having said that, I must admit that I am fasting today, hopefully for the last time. It has perhaps become a part of me for the last ten years and letting go of something all of a sudden is often as unrealistic as it is difficult. This reminds me that today, as I decide to let go of the dependency on the Moon or the Sun or the God to take care of my husband, a whole new generation is being inducted into it. My sister and sister in law, cousin and cousin in law observe their first fasts today, hopefully like mine, their husbands stayed hungry too.